07 Mar Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 03/06/2015 – Howie Mandel and Artie Lange, Live from Caroline’s on Broadway
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Howie Mandel and Artie Lange, Live from Caroline’s on Broadway
Recorded 03-05-2015 – Release Date 03-06-2015
Production Number #1526
Adam opens the show with a quick “Alec Baldwin is not” that bums everyone out, Adam thanks Howie Mandel for joining him on stage.
Adam is now bringing up the phone call with Alec Baldwin last week, where he asked him if he wanted to just hang out, see the movie premier or do the podcast.
Adam says when Alec said “All Three” he should have known it was doomed.
Adam is complaining about his walking, he says he likes the big coats to carry his shit, Adam wants the fanny pack but can’t make the move, and he needs to talk to Joe Rogan.
Adam is asking about Howie’s work on ‘America’s Got Talent’ and he explains how it always has to seem like a summer show despite taping it in the winter.
Adam brings up how easy it was for Howie to be cast in his film along with how kind he was to share his facility for a filming location.
Adam is now sharing the subtlety insulting line of questions Howie setup about Artie’s location and proximity to the club, Adam says Howie asked if he drives himself and what that subtly means about the person it’s asked about.
Howie is mocking the horse drawn carriages of NYC and the bullshit spewed from the guys behind the reigns.
Adam is joking about the shit-bags on the back of horses, Adam is joking about Sonny Bono hitting a tree and mentions cycling, did he forget or is he combining the skiing death with a biking part not fully explained.
Adam is telling them about his daughter stepping in horseshit and how it’s fucked up that you must pick up the waste of a dog but when from a horse it’s somehow not an issue.
Howie tells Adam about renting an elephant for his wife, Adam jokes about him passing the phone around the room and Adam spoils the story.
Adam is now looking at the pictures, I assume projected on the screen by Gary.
Artie is now joining them and gets a huge welcome, hilarious one liners and reaction to the picture of Howie’s elephant rental in his backyard.
“Howie next time take the bitch to the La Brea tar pits and just call it a day” – Adam
Howie is sharing his wife’s reaction and the complaints he got about having spooking the horses in his community, Adam marvels at horses being frightened of things bigger than them and elephants frightened of mice.
Artie is dropping gold, this is hilarious.
Artie is telling them about shitting and Howie takes it back to the horse community complaints, Howie is telling them about the shocking amounts of shit and Artie recommends a clip from a Stern tape.
They comment on the different mics, they sound “different” too, Adam and Artie are riffing about elephant sanctuaries and the women who run them.
Adam is giving out some plugs.
Artie’s reaction to Howie’s appearance at the pepper mill casino, Adam is telling them about taking his wife out to dinner and sitting across from her like two human beings as opposed to side by side.
Adam is telling them about asking for the waiter to hit his food with the pepper mill first, he’s going to die first and he’s paying for the meal.
Adam is setting up some “Blah Blah Blog” and explains the game to Artie and Howie. Howie wants to know a luminary is exactly.
Adam is joking about Howie’s first world problems involved with renting an elephant, Adam is talking about infinity pools and Adam asks if there has ever been a video of a luminary going into an above ground pool.
Adam is doing a legal zoom live read
Blah Blah Blog
1st Blog Al Franken, Adrian Grenier or Al Sharpton?
Howie and Artie are now having Gary shout out the names, it’s getting a bit off, not the usual the way the game goes.
Gary replays the clip of Dawson.
Adam is telling Artie about the time he was given his part on ‘Entourage’ and uses that to explains who Adrian is to Artie.
Howie picks Al Sharpton, Artie pisses off the one black guy in the room and Adam jokes about it, Artie picks Al Franken and Adam picks Adrian and takes the point.
2nd Blog Will I Am, Kanye West or Dr. Dre?
Adam has a killer “Murderer’s Row” one liner.
Howie picks Will saying hew fancies himself an inventor, Artie jokes about Dr. Dre and Drew.
Artie picks Will and Adam agrees, they all get the point and Adam jokes about them being out of touch with the black community.
3rd Blog Bill Maher, Eva Longoria or Alicia Silverstone
Howie picks Eva, Adam jokes about her keeping it real and now Adam is ranting about how he doesn’t give a shit where anything he eat comes from.
Adam is complaining about stickers on fruit and vegetables, he has a funny riff about cheating with his nanny and what he’s learned about the rules regarding cheating and vaginal penetration.
Adam is taking it back to pets and asks if someone can breed a pet that doesn’t shit, Howie jokes about that idea and now Adam is bringing up how his Nanny makes him a morning compote and he spit out a label after drinking some.
Adam is asking everyone and Artie also goes with Eva, Adam is going with Alicia and loses the point, it’s now a tie game.
Artie points out the rules and Adam’s decision to have them all pick a different guy on the next round, Adam comments on the past 9 minutes being boring enough.
Funny back and forth.
4th Blog J.J. Abrams, Hank Azaria or Ted Danson?
Adam has a killer line telling these assholes they interrupt the names every time, now Gary is shouting them out and the vibe is changing a bit.
Howie is yelling back and this is uncomfortable and intense.
Adam is asking what Heidi Klum actually does after Artie says he now feels like Heidi Klum, making a reference to ‘America’s Got Talent’ Adam jokes about Artie not looking like her.
“Someone I’d rather fuck” – Adam inventing Heidi Klum’s new line of perfume while joking about the lingerie and perfumes of famous models not turning the women they’re bought for into any more attractive versions of themselves, it only works if you’re coming home to that person according to Adam.
Howie is now sharing a story and Artie along with Adam get in two Heidi Klum fart jokes, this is great.
Adam is now calling for us to thin out the heard of the ocean life a bit, hilarious riffing about the quality of life of star fish not effecting Adam’s life in any way.
Adam is arguing with Howie and saying he didn’t come up on stage to be attacked and is now caving on the possibility of this being a tie game.
Adam says Ted Danson, Artie says J.J. Abrams then it’s implied he says Ted as well and Adam says Ted Danson after Howie talks him into it, Howie doesn’t think this is funny and feels pity for those listening to this at home let alone the people in the club.
Artie says he knew it, Howie has the inside shit.
Adam says they’re all winners.
Adam is asking Artie what his price is to swing by the palace and visit the sultan of Brunei, after bringing up the girls from ‘Deal or No Deal’ who Howie defends while Adam and Artie use less than wholesome terms to describe.
Artie compliments the movie ‘Road Hard’ and Adam brings up his publicist Lee who made the mistake of telling Adam about travelling for ‘WrestleMania’ for his 15th straight year.
Adam is mocking the idea of continuing dumb traditions, Adam is asking Howie about not finishing high school after bringing up high school as an example of something you do every year but don’t keep doing, and it eventually ends.
Adam is asking Howie about him not graduating high school and tells Lee he’s lucked out as he’s now distracted and references a key scene from ‘Goodfellas’ and now Artie is telling Adam about one of his worst road stories.
Artie has a killer rendition of the ‘Cheers’ theme song and Adam is joking about his evolution, Adam asks Howie about his after they have a brief tangent about the other F word and Eddie Murphy’s infamous routine based around it.
Howie is sharing a story about getting asked back to a club after a bizarre experience, he tells them about getting hired by George Carlin’s late 1st wife.
Howie is telling them about doing his HBO special and when exactly ‘St. Elsewhere’ started up for him, Howie is telling them about his first meeting for the show.
Adam has a wild reference and Howie has a story about that too, Adam’s surprised. They’re going to loop back to his story about Doc Severinsen.
Howie is telling them about having them threaten to fire him for his comedic persona outside of the show and his serious character.
Howie has some impressive recall about his time pretending to be a doctor and Adam jokes about Artie being able to remember more had he not done so many drugs for so often.
Adam is doing a Blue Apron live read
Howie is now sharing the story of being booked on the ‘Tonight Show’ last minute in place of Sammy Davis Jr. who had just been diagnosed with cancer.
Howie is explaining how he put a rubber glove on his head in place of material, he is sharing his interaction with the producers and the pre-interview process.
Howie is telling them about trying to get a Sabretooth Tiger to bring out on stage, Howie shares how Doc Severinsen was involved and they all react to a photo of the incident.
Everyone loves the story and Adam wraps the show.
Adam is doing a Simply Safe live read
Adam brings up guys rifling through panty drawers and Artie has a killer reaction, Artie is wearing cargo pants calling back what Howie told Adam to do earlier in the show before Artie arrived and joined them on stage.
Adam plugs his new movie ‘Road Hard’ and thanks the guys for joining him with some plugs as well.