15 Feb Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 01/29/2016 – Rep. Richard Martin
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Rep. Richard Martin
Recorded 01-28-2016 – Release Date 01-29-2016
Production Number #1746
Adam opens the show with some thoughts and BB has a nice “9-year-old boner” #TopDrop from the last episode, Gina has someone shadowing her for The Jewish Journal, Adam explains the publication to BB by bringing up the movie ‘This is 40’ which BB did not see.
Gina shares how this is her first profile for a magazine, reminds BB that Teresa Strasser used to write for them all the time and Adam jokes about hymens.
Adam is now asking if they shouldn’t introduce the notion of New Year’s Resolutions to other parts of the world.
Adam talks about saying “now” in addition to what time is it, Adam thinks now softens the request, Gina misunderstands and Adam has the Jewish Journal guy strike it from the record.
BB is helping Adam explains what Adam is saying and Gina is insisting that the now makes it sound “naggy” and now Adam is asking what looks better and feels shitting on this point as wants to, it was born into him and he tells them about his parents traveling hammock, Adam is giving the ok for camping hammocks.
BB is weighing in for the hammock folk, Adam is now issuing strikes 2 and 3, saying it’s about the only seat you can’t eat or drink on.
Adam talks about convening with nature without getting drunk, Gary knows what Adam’s talking about and gives him some kind of confirmation.
Adam went on a Taco Bell run and watched Gary drown his tacos in Gringo Bandito and he asks why he doesn’t recall anyone going nuts with the hot sauce when he was a kid.
Adam wonders if today everyone’s pleasure centers are burnt out, hilarious riff about man not being meant to beat off in a pod in space.
Adam says you need more hot sauce to experience anything out of that taco, Gary is having a nice plug and he says the hot sauce is so good from the Gringo Bandito folks that it improves the overall food quality.
Adam is talking about his kids and how they’re simultaneously watching TV and using their tablets, Adam observes that Gary was just trying to feel something, Gary says Adam was using it too and he jokes about trying to fit in with the 30yr olds and pretend to be hip with his sideways baseball cap.
Gary plugs the Super-Hot Gringo Bandito variant and Adam is back to Taco Bell runs and the bygone era of getting what you get and eating the taco bell flavored taco, not some hot monstrosity.
BB is talking about getting into hot sauce to change up tastes, he tells them about his college meal plan and getting bored of the menu items.
Gina asks about Sriracha and Gary weighs in with Chris about how it’s getting fucked out like bacon.
Adam is using ‘C Z Rider’ to make his point about the escalation of daredevil stunts and the influence of things like hot sauce on society, all about pleasure centers being burnt out.
Adam is talking about the LAPD members who fired the 100+ shots during the Dorner manhunt, Adam says that they’ve chosen not to file criminal charges against the cops.
Adam is joking about the newspaper delivery mother and daughter; Adam says if he’s ever in a pickup with his elderly mother delivering newspapers at 540am he will drive into a tree.
Adam is mocking the lame accuracy of the LAPD officers and he asks them to imagine how Al Sharpton would react to this story if these were black women and not Hispanic women.
BB says there would be riots if this was black women and Adam talks about Tony Vilar banging models and goes back to the incident and the wrong make and model of the car and how they used the excuse of the sound of a newspaper sounding like gunfire.
Gina says if that is true you need to turn in your badge just for that mistake, Adam is now saying they should at least have to reimburse the city for the bullets.
Adam says this is not discussed in national news as it doesn’t fall under the heading of the narrative that makes it onto the news to poison everyone’s minds.
Adam is explaining how CNN and the news media are poisoning the minds of society due to this narrative they won’t let go of regardless of reality or facts.
Adam wants to secretly talk to the husbands of the women who were delivering papers, he wants to know how they got their ladies up at 4am working like this, what are they putting in their wives’ coffee?
The secret of their success is being wildly unsuccessful.
Adam is now talking about the 4.2-million-dollar settlement and if their husbands gave them a few days off the paper routes, he wants to get some tips from these guys.
Adam is saying that if you get a settlement you should be able to keep 100% of it, no taxes for victims of crimes of the state.
Adam is doing a SimpliSafe Live Read
Adam wants a good Jon Jones picture and Deion Sanders too, he bringing up the myth of calves on men and how guys get calf implants, Adam says it turns out that calves are useless and he shows BB and Gina Jon Bones Jones and explains his lack of a wrestling background coupled with non-genetically gifted calves.
Gina is addressing the lack of a bulge, as per usual.
Adam is talking about Deion Sanders and he’s telling Gary to find the picture he already showed him, Gina is asking Adam about his theory about the calf muscle and it being vestigial.
Adam says that Jon Jones is a man who doesn’t possess calf muscles but can put a hole through your head.
BB is asking some follow ups and Adam is further explaining how useless the muscle seems to be, Gina is further marveling at Jon’s legs and how model thin they are.
Adam wants a picture of Deion and Gary says they don’t have any of him with bare legs, Adam says we don’t need him in the shower, they are all marveling at the spindly little legs of Deion and Adam says that everyone in the building has better calves than those two men who were exceptional athletes in their fields.
Adam says let’s focus on “Claves Don’t Matter” and brings up Richard Martin, BB has a funny observation.
Adam is giving out some live dates and teases the upcoming European tour.
Paul Gilmartin is making his 6th appearance on the ACS, 5th as his character Richard Martin, he first appeared on ACS #60 with Maria Bamford playing his wife and guest hosted the show out of character for ACS #421.
Adam welcomes him back and brings up “Jazz” and Richard recalls the diet Sunkist tidbit, Richard is riffing and mocking meditation and yoga.
He tells them about cooling babies after roasting them and yoga for relaxing anuses for gay sex, holy shit!
Richard is telling them about his character building exercises he does with his wife, he explains how he caught her meditating and Adam says that’s kind of harsh.
“they have a peaceful look that sickens me” – Richard Martin on meditative stares
Richard is talking about getting people back to work and forcing kids into child labor, tricking them into working instead of going to school, kids don’t need a cigarette break, they can’t spell union.
Richard is getting quizzed about what quarter of the contiguous states he dropped his wife off in, huge laughs from the booth on that one.
Richard is crushing it; this might be his strongest appearance ever.
Adam is telling Richard about participating in a Gay Pride parade and he explains to Richard that everyone in ‘THE Village People’ was gay except for the black dude.
Adam is now defending homosexual love to Richard and suggests god is trying to thin the population heard by making gay people, Adam asks BB about his gay thoughts, hilarious “little gay devil on the shoulder” line from Bald Bryan Bishop.
Richard is talking about the voice in our heads that tells us to push people in front of buses and fling toddlers by the head off of cliffs.
Richard is telling them about the homeless people seats in his 3rd hummer, hilarious gas mileage riff with BB.
“God made clouds, so should we, high fiving the big man” – Richard Martin
BB is even laughing up a storm and now Adam is bringing up dieting and Richard is talking about having orgasms on top of another man in college.
Adam is asking him about his wife Jazz and Richard tells them about his 3 kids, he remembers all of their names and says it doesn’t make sense that his daughter would be assaulted by the football team, they’re too good and she’s too ugly.
Adam is talking about the writer from the Jewish Journal being present for this interview and Richard says he supports the Israelis, he wishes all the Jews would go back to Israel, he wants a country full of normal looking people.
Adam asks if he could spot a Christian vs. a Jew, Richard insists he can, this is hilarious!
“I don’t discarnate, I hate all non-Christians” – Richard Martin
Adam is asking him about the statements from Trump about killing terrorists and their families, hilarious Facebook friends list reply from Richard.
Adam is riffing about a lack of curb appeal and Richard says his lawn is feather like David Cassidy’s hair.
Adam is asking Richard about the swimming pool and the water slide, the putting green and his lawn he takes pride in.
BB is now asking him some questions about groundskeepers and he jokes about his feeling about immigrants.
“A churro is nothing but a donut that’s here illegally” – Richard Martin
“Mexicans make two things, tortillas and trouble” – Richard Martin
Adam plugs his old website and Richard is happy to see BB and meet Gina, he comments on the Jewish journal reporter, hilarious laughs from the booth when Richard says “he seemed nice” nice job Gary!
Gina’s News
1st Story is an update on the 3 prison escapees from Los Angeles, Richard is now asking if one of these guys is American and Adam is talking about unnecessary prison sentences for marijuana users and comments on them opening the prisons and Adam asks about absorbing the debt of insane criminals from other places.
Gina has the details and Adam asks if we can’t find the masterminds parents and he says his rap sheet is like a mad lib of horrific crimes.
Richard says there is just something weird about Muslims and jokes about them not taking natural resources with their ethnic cleansing.
Gina says dong immigrated legally, nice drop material.
Richard says we could go back and finally win Vietnam, using 5th graders.
Adam suggests they pull them right out to the child soldier factor that he’s set up, Richard says precisely.
Adam is now back to the press conference and how the officers can’t say they didn’t fuck up, admit fault, it’s not a random checkup press conference, it’s due to a failure of you to do your job imprisoning criminals.
Richard is talking about women in the workplace and asks Adam about flying with a female pilot, Richard is saying it’s guaranteed to happen when a gal is in charge.
Gina asks him not to call her a gal, suggesting women or ladies instead.
Adam is doing a Wix.com Live Read
Richard asks how people listen to this show, they’re asking him about his computer and he jokes about buying Kinkade paintings at the mall.
Adam is talking ‘Along Came Mary’ by ‘The Association’ and suggests it might be about marijuana, Richard doesn’t want to hear that.
They’re listening to the song and Richard argues this is about the immaculate conception.
2nd Story is on the threat of a UK plague of super rats.
Adam jokes about the use of “Scoff” in the article and Richard says you wonder why socialism doesn’t work, Adam talks about riding shotgun with August driving angry in the rain and how he’s freaked out by rats more than he is by anything else.
Adam is really not into rats; they freak his shit out.
Adam wants some kind of rat/human relations peace conference; BB suggests they tear down the exterminator tags as it’s their confederate flag.
Adam says he doesn’t have rats and it’s only because he doesn’t allow ivy around his homes and offices and is stern about replacing the fencing and mesh to keep rodents out from underneath the building.
Gina wraps the news.
Adam is doing a Live Read for ‘Not Safe with Nikki Glaser’
Adam says “she likes it when you watch” in very creepy fashion edition
Adam gives out the plugs and wraps up the show.