Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 01/13/2014 – Jim Florentine, Live from The Gaslamp in Long Beach
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Jim Florentine, Live from The Gaslamp in Long Beach
Recorded 01-11-2014 – Release Date 01-13-2014
Production Number #1235
Adam is opening the show live from The Gaslamp in Long Beach with Jim Florentine returning to the show, he’s a very nice guy btw, met him at Ontario with Adam a few years back.
BB has a choice #TopDrop and Adam is referencing Jim’s epic “Crank Yankers” calls, Adam is now setting up his favorite Bobby Fletcher call.
Adam is setting up the call and explaining the premise of the calls along with how Jim can belch on command, Adam is joking about his kids and their modern day tech based activities and Alison is sharing her own desire to learn to burp on command.
BB wants to know if Jim looks down on people who have to use their armpit to make burp/fart noises, Jim actually respects them more.
Adam is explaining the premise of the Crank Yankers program and the Nevada requirement for recording.
They’re playing the clip.
Adam is now reacting to it with Jim, who’s explaining that Adam and Jimmy were rolling on the floor laughing to it in real time.
Adam is explaining the joke writing process for the show and the dry erase boards they used to direct the actors.
Alison wants to know if they ever had problems with people cracking up mid phone call, Adam has a funny comedian/criminal reply.
Adam and Jim are commenting on the lack of compensation for the victims on the other line and Adam is joking about all the things he could get done with an “Olive Garden” gift certificate, even hiring a contract killer.
Adam is now sharing the life he leads where people do very nice things for him and he responds with anger, he’s now sharing his experience seeing “The Hammer” with his wife and kids during the screening at Cinefamily.
Adam is citing a woman who handed him a beer without a bottle opener, leaving Adam’s hand skin ripped off, he’s now complaining about this “she monster”.
Adam is joking that when someone uses their shirt to try and open a bottle that means business and how you need an excuse chambered as a dude to not get made fun of, hilarious example!
Adam has some even funnier examples of what a dude would never say, he’s now joking about guys trying to open the beer being the fastest way to open one up.
Adam is citing his attempt to use his keys to pop the cap, he’s interrupting himself to ask why we still have non twist off variety of bottles in today’s world.
Adam is joking about the various ways the key and counter top removals can go wrong, hilarious tooth pulling example and funny reply from Alison.
Adam is explaining how he was still preoccupied while Illeana Douglas was praising him and his work on the film “The Hammer”.
Adam is now calling for the “space saver stoner” as a traveling companion, someone to help you with moments like this; he’s citing his “Man Show” taping for the fishing segment with Refrigerator Perry and his super bowl ring he used for popping tops.
Bryan is explaining his buddies all have the bottle openers built into their flip flops, Adam is now asking Jim at what age do you not know when someone is trying to end a phone call, Adam is citing Lynette’s recent conversation with her dad.
Alison is giving her take and she thinks it’s intentional and Jim is offering his idea on it, he’s citing his wife and saying it may not be age related, he’s mocking his “I gotta concentrate at the traffic light” example.
Alison is that way on the phone too and she wants to know why Jim is that way, if it’s his wife or the phone in general.
Adam just invented the “Will Do” smartphone app that auto shuts off when someone says “Will Do” enough times.
Adam is giving out the plugs for Jim and there is a funny back and forth with him, Alison and Jim.
Adam is joking about “Heavy Metal” and he wants to know how many guys would be into it if it was called “pliable plastic” and Jim is backing up his idea and joking about the all-male fan base of “Heavy Metal”.
Q and Ace
1st Question from Sarah who wants to know how to motivate her 9th grade students, Adam tells her she needs to announce “Children are not our future” he predicts that Roombas or Universal Remotes are instead.
Adam is bringing up his recent odyssey back from Las Vegas with Mike August, they were driving back after the 4hr fog delay, the same morning I flew into LAX and it was shut down from fog. He’s mocking the school to prison pipeline and Huffpo.
Adam is now joking about smog alerts being the only thing in Burbank besides an additional gunman; Adam is now calling for cops to get their gunmen head counts correct.
Adam is now mocking the bite sized morsels of delay that airlines and ATC use to ease passengers into the delay process and control their temper their reactions.
Adam is sharing how he spotted a radar detector on the Mercedes in front of them and ordered August to follow him to California, Adam is sharing why he knew that was the best move.
Alison has a funny comment from the driver’s POV and Adam is mocking August’s following tactics as he follows with the proximity of a trailer hitch.
Adam is taking it back to the teacher and asking Jim about unwanted adolescent tumescence, he’s got an anecdote about his 70yr old teacher and BB has a killer one liner.
Adam is now bringing up his kids teacher sporting the go go boots all whored out for the students, Adam wants to know if she frumps it up or puts herself together, Adam says she’s doing the male students a disservice.
Adam is joking about the small window where men have control over their own cock, he’s citing the early years of unwanted boners and the elderly years of failing health and boner quality, he’s got a sick and hilarious “Schindler’s List” one liner.
Alison wants to know the last time Adam got a surprise boner and he’s now discussing the airplane boner that Jim suggested, Adam is now bringing up the 3 times per year where he gets a massage and his resistance to getting a boner in that position.
Adam is joking about the dark thoughts he must flash past in order to control his body in a time where he’s supposed to relax.
Jim is quizzing him on the looks the masseuse and what it takes when a guy is giving the massage, his super dark place for this scenario is hilarious!
Adam is now asking the teacher about the student in question, Adam has a funny “we’ll see him at the car wash in 4 years” reply and he’s got an honest explanation for the need for blue collar workers in society.
Adam is now quizzing her about teaching 9th grade and Kim brought up teacher/student fraternization, Adam is asking the teacher about the students getting busted in the school bathrooms.
She’s telling them about getting the parents involved and having to explain to them what happened.
Alison is giving her take and wondering what the parental reactions would be, Adam is joking about the dad’s high fiving and earnest “did you take any pictures” requests wow!
Adam is now joking about the reaction if it’s your daughter and the double standard in society.
2nd Question from Amy
Adam is interrupting with his take on cops; he’s citing his argument that they’re our security detail that we pay for, not our bosses as they like to walk around pretending to be.
Adam is explaining why it’s no different that J-Lo or Jay-Z hiring a security detail, he’s joking about the security detail not writing her tickets for J-Walking.
Adam is now mentioning what he spotted while they were driving from Vegas; he’s stopping to explain what indicators in life are and how he spots them before other people, nice childhood torturing animals/serial killer analogy.
Adam is mocking the “no tolerance” speeding sign, he’s citing how if Mike August drives like stink he could get Adam home an hour early to spend it with his family instead of out earning money to pay for cops to spend time with theirs.
Adam says fuck you he has 0 tolerance for the cops; he’s saying they are the shittiest students/guys on the Jr. College football team.
Adam is lamenting the closure of “The Bun Boy” and he’s explaining its historic role as the stop between Los Angles and Vegas, an audience member yells out “Baker” and Adam tells him to shut the fuck up, gold!
“Alien doesn’t make me want to do anything other than grab my ass and run” – Adam on the alien jerky signs that have replaced the Bun Boy signs.
Adam has a killer “To Serve Man” twilight zone joke as they all riff out the idea of “Alien Jerky” and why it doesn’t make one hungry.
Adam and Alison are now joking about human jerky and cannibalism, hilarious Puerto Rican joke from Ace.
Jim wants to know what would taste best and Adam says “the booby” and Jim is asking if Adam would eat a dude penis, Adam wants to know if there is a bun or not.
Hilarious Paleo diet joke from Alison and Adam is now saying if he could wrap the cock in bacon he would do it, Alison has another funny quip too!
Adam is now inventing bacon flavored condoms, with two solid Jewish jokes that Alison seems to appreciate.
Jim is sharing his reaction if someone told him about devouring a cock wrapped in bacon, Alison is joking about the alternative of just eating the bacon in lieu of bacon and dong.
Adam is interrupting to give out Jim’s plugs and joking about one of his gigs sounding like a threat your agent would level at you to get your attention.
Her top story is on former Israel Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s death.
Alison is sharing the details of his 8yr coma and Adam is joking about government still working with the leader in a coma, citing Los Angeles.
Adam is now joking about 8 years of a coma and wants to know when you decide to pull the plug; Adam has a funny snowboard accident joke.
Alison is offering up some wise points about the man’s health deteriorating to the level he had the stroke and maybe his health while unconscious isn’t as important.
Adam is joking about the man criticizing the food in the hospital; BB has a killer feeding tube joke.
Adam is saying that life support should be change operated and if you have enough people who love you there will always be a steady supply of quarters, Alison has a fine question and Adam says that proves his point, if they cared they would be there.
Adam has an even more interesting “would you want to live in a world where people don’t care enough to pay for your life support” response.
Jim is sampling Mangria for the first time.
2nd Story Is on the upcoming Broadway musical inspired by Tupac Shakur, she’s reading the details on the upcoming run at the palace theater.
Adam is joking about celebrities out earning him and Jim from the grave, hilarious “I put the bacon wrapped cock” on the table riff in the middle of it.
Adam has a killer Agnes Moorhead and Sherwood Schwartz series of one liners while pitching an expansion of his idea, he wants to find people at the lowliest job and shame them with the news of which C-list celebrities are out earning them from the grave.
3rd Story Is on Bruno Mars and Flea along with the rest of the Red Hot Chili Peppers performing at the Super Bowl halftime show.
Alison wants to know why they listed the Chili’s that way and Adam is joking about the name Flea and how his bass paying is one of only two things that can be seen from space.
Jim is ranting against Bruno Mars and Adam is offering up a half assed defense for the man.
5th Story is on the upcoming “Velveeta” shortage, Alison is sharing Matt Fondiler’s reaction to this news item and Alison is explaining its “dip season”.
Adam is riffing about his uses for Velveeta, funny one liner from BB.
Alison is now asking about the “Frakenweenie” products that had chili injected in them, Adam has a funny joke about a ranch variety and Alison has a hilarious genuine “really!?” in reply.
6th Story is on the record number of Fuck used in a movie, “The Wolf of Wall Street” just surpassed 1997’s “Summer of Sam.
BB is saying it feels unfair due to the running time; Alison is breaking down the number in this movie vs. the rest of Scorsese’s oeuvre.
Alison is sharing how she can hear her neighbors watching TV and can pinpoint what it is based on the score coming from below, she’s explaining how she figured out they were watching “Screeners”.
Adam is citing his own batch of the cool movies that finally showed up to his house this year, he’s now riffing about “Lone Survivor” and his own reaction if he was shot like the guys in the movie, hilarious!
Adam is joking about his possible reactions not depicted in the movie, including offering oral sex to escape certain death in lieu of dying via your own grenade trying to take out a few more of them on the way out.
Jim is offering up a gross hypothetical dick sucking question, Adam skates past it joking about directors demanding actors live through things featured in a movie and now Alison is turning it back around to get an answer from Adam.
BB has a killer “No ID” one liner and Adam is now weighing his options, his foreskin shielded options.
They’re really going in depth on this scenario, hilarious wisecracks across the board.
Adam is now bringing up gangbang porn, the best version of this riff was on the first ACP James Gunn guested on back in 2009.
Adam is explaining the gangbang rules for Alison, he’s citing the lack of a sanctioning body as one of the biggest downfalls, Adam is using his “cars on Hookers at the point/on the brink” theory for dude’s junk and their wives recognizing it should they see the film.
Adam is sharing how many of the 90’s record holders for worlds largest gangbang used the same guys multiple times inflating their numbers, a few of those gals guested on Loveline.
Alison and Adam are joking about the vibrating/light up coasters at restaurants, Alison is remarking on her fascination with them despite the superiority of cell phones and Adam is joking about Jim would terrorize restaurant patrons if he ever got in command of those devices.
7th Story is a list of the 5 things one will only eat while drunk.
Hilarious drop work from BB and a nice bacon callback from Ace, Adam is telling Jim not to take it blue.
Alison wants to know if any of the gang has eaten food from a trashcan, she’s citing pizza box crusts.
Adam and Jim are confirming they’ve eaten stray/leftover room service from other guests and they’re quickly making it non-disgusting by citing all the other gross things present in the hotel.
Alison is reading the rest of the list, cheapest vending machine item, box of mints, pie mix…
Adam is now sharing how he used to eat pie mix while babysitting, classic story!
Adam is remembering the days of eating without concern for his figure, Adam is now trying to conjure some of the weird shit he’s eaten, he’s telling the gang about a See’s candy giant Easter egg that was well past it’s expiration and had been bathed in the sun for nearly 4 months too.
Adam is sharing the Kevin and Bean/Jimmy Kimmel McDonald’s Canadian bacon story.
Alison wants to know why he would do such a thing, Adam is explaining that women don’t get why men do things and that’s why that makes them great, he’s using drunken cock drawings on friends to drive the point home.
Adam is going super inspirational with a nice music bed from BB, hilarious Space shuttle Challenger joke from Adam.
Jim is now telling Adam it’s another 6 months before he can do that joke, Adam is on a great “man does” riff.
Jim is bringing it back to Adam’s Taliban blow jobs to escape certain death; Alison has a killer “Alien Fresh Jerky” callback.
Adam is finishing the story and Alison is wrapping the news.
Adam is now taking it back to the Space Shuttle disaster and he’s telling the School Teacher in the audience to skip over the offer to take a ride on a space shuttle should it ever come.
Adam is on to the wonder of the wheel, he’s joking about dude’s pulling 747’s with their mouth.
Adam is now doing a live read, giving out the plugs and wrapping up the show.