Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 01/04/2018 – Jake Weisman + Super Bowl Predictions with RJ Bell
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – Jake Weisman + Super Bowl Predictions with RJ Bell
Recorded 01-03-2018 – Release Date 01-04-2018
Production Number #2231
Adam opens the show after a “Tape measures for eyeballs and shag carpets for eyebrows” intro from Mike Dawson and Mike Lynch.
Adam gives some love to two sponsors up top once again, he thanks Bet DSI and LifeLock.
BB has Adam’s “I’m a weirdo” as today’s #TopDrop
Adam teases all of the material he has for the show, Gina observes his blue and white buck slips, one for business and the other for pleasure.
Adam is now sharing a possible defense he was thinking up while laying in bed on vacation, he says it has to be a syndrome, Restless Cock Syndrome.
Adam is now explaining the pain of RCS and BB has a great Sarah McLachlan music bed, this is hilarious!
Adam is now going over all of the details of the charity, it’s events and publicity campaigns.
Adam says if you give Dr. Drew $10 he will put his name on anything, Chris is on mic and he confesses he’s too a survivor of RCS.
Adam is sharing some possible talking points for use on talk shows, BB has a funny one liner and Gina says Adam is a business.
Adam says whatever floats your boat, gay or straight anyone can suffer from RCS.
#RCS is pitched by Gina and Adam shares another thought he had about the hotel when he was in the room, he says he likes to tidy up and he wants to know what it means about him and other people who clean.
Adam likes to keep after himself and only lets the cleaning crew in 1-2 times max, Adam shares how he used the big thick plastic bags to gather trash, he tangents off to Howie Mandel’s catamaran.
Adam says someone picked up and took Lynette’s sunglasses and hat, Adam says hat resulted him having to buy a hat on the road, which he hates.
Adam told Lynette to go into the shop and get a hat, BB brings up the ABC shops.
Adam says Lynette was sitting in the perfect spot for a gust to take her hat which landed at Adam’s feet and he was able to return it and give her a stern warning about proper hat precautions.
Adam is now asking why they use such heavy-duty plastic bags at gift shops and newsstands.
Adam says his thought about the hotel was why they don’t have recycling in hotels, he shares his feelings about not recycling, BB thinks the look of a blue bin would be ugly and unsightly.
Adam shares his theory on how they could add recycling systems to hotels, Chris has a New York Times piece on hotels and why they don’t utilize recycling.
Adam gets to his point about the things people talk about and claim to be interested in vs. what people actually focus time into and truly care about.
Adam is saying that doing the right thing is never motivation to a corporation, they’re not inherently evil, they just want to save money, he says we need to just find a way for them to make a nickel off of it and they will implement it.
Adam has a bit of a Rich Man Poor Man idea, he brings up expensive real estate and the presence of rats, saying that Beverly Hills having more rats than shittier parts of the valley.
Adam says rats just are, there is nothing you can do to keep them out and stop them, rich or poor rats will find you, Adam tells poor people to rejoice.
Adam rants about access panels not being replaced, the only thing he hates more than the idiot who didn’t put the panel back is the person standing next to you trying to theorize as to why they removed it, not realizing Adam is pissed it wasn’t put back.
BB is now sharing how they found some evidence of rats gnawing on boxes and explains he snapped all of the traps and through them out after 2 years of waiting with no results.
Adam says every trap can be baited with peanut butter, you could catch a unicorn with peanut butter and BB shares how his daughter turned her nose up at almond butter and tapped the lid of his peanut butter.
Adam is now asking about the inventor of peanut butter, he explains how strange it is that George Washington Carver never invented peanut butter despite inventing almost everything else you can do with a peanut.
Bet DSI – 20 Years Paying winners, Adam plays there, easy mobile device interface Edition
RJ is now on the line.
Adam is explaining how his Rams have now sucked him in and he asks RJ about the odds of the Rams making the Super Bowl.
RJ gives them all of the odds for every team, Adam asks RJ who he’s like for the Super Bowl and they all talk about who are the best Quarterbacks among the NFC.
They talk about Matt Ryan, Cam Newton and RJ transitions to the AFC and makes a point about so few of the trop 10 QB’s being in the NFL playoffs.
Adam asks what it is about L.A. that is such a curse, he brings up the huge gap in performance of the teams from L.A. and the rest of the league, he says the city is cursed.
RJ quotes Colin Kaepernick and makes a point about NFL team success being directly correlated to the amount of other options people have for recreation in a given city.
Adam is now talking about how Daniel “Two Sheets” Kellison uses tips to encourage performance, he shares how premature buckshot for cleaning people and hotel staff can result in a better experience instead of saving it for the end where you don’t get to benefit from the generosity of your tips.
Adam now has them play a clip of Cousin Sal on Bill Simmons podcast, Sal is telling them about the Luau.
Adam says that is his decree to the heavens, why can’t his kids just have a childhood 1,000x better than his childhood, why does it have to be 10,000x better for them.
Adam says that was a fairly accurate description of the events that Sal recounted.
Adam says he knows in his heart of hearts that they spoke more about their kids while driving to the catamaran and back than his parents talked about him his whole life, he knows that for sure.
Adam shares how the conversation he had with Vince Vaughn and his wife while walking to dinner before he decided not to be Adam’s neighbor anymore, was again way more talking about his kids than his parents ever talked about him and his sister growing up.
Adam shares how every car ride with a mom is now a deep dive into their child’s progress, Adam says there is now way Chris nor RJ’s parents talked about them this much.
Adam says there is a fork in the road, women are to the left and men to the right and we have directed all traffic to the left to the way women think.
Adam says the kids will all be fine or not, the endless conversation doesn’t matter and he comments on the extra estrogen circulating in the men’s bodies and Gina mentions soy.
RJ says he was 15 in 1985 and he grew up in a town full of coal miners, Adam says it’s a waste of time to talk about these kids so much and so often, these kids are way ahead of the game and they’re getting everything.
They play the opening stinger.
RJ’s Parlay with RJ Bell
RJ tells them to not be afraid to go with the underdog and goes in depth on Kansas City, Adam and BB comments and he moves on.
RJ tells them about Atlanta and their stats being better than the scoreboards reflect, Adam gives his take this game as a Rams fan.
RJ does not agree with Adam about the final outcome of this game, he says if you do agree with Adam you can bet the money line and Adam says the Rams are due for a nice big letdown.
Adam wraps up with RJ who tells him that Adam taught him it’s all about content.
Adam says he would love, he would love…
Adam brings up the gauges that show how many minutes an engine has been run, like in aircraft.
Adam wants a gauge that shows the amount of time his parents spent talking about him over his entire life, Adam sets up their guests’ arrival and Gina asks about Adam’s sister running away from home.
Adam says he knows that nobody wants to get in the ring and get knocked out, but some people are relieved as they’re being knocked out and heading to the canvas.
Adam says he knows his parents were relieved to be free of their pain in the ass daughter, some parents would be 98% worry and 2% relief, his parents had a different ratio.
LifeLock – App stores and the dark web, can’t unring that bell Edition
Dave opens the segment with a plug for his Dave Dameshek Football Program, he mentions the recent Ace Awards.
Dave says he did reopen the best letter competition, x got some extra consideration but didn’t make the cut, Adam had a killer Y/Why? Shout in reply, hilarious!
Dave is now riffing with uppercase and lowercase letters, Adam brings up a Game Show that is focused around all of the things you don’t know.
Dave asks Gary to get a cursive lower-case q, Adam asks Dave about the passive aggressive letter writers, he brings up his buddy John Gillingham, Dave has heard about his SOB and his 7’s.
Adam is now explaining how he would write his variant on the number 7, Adam shares how it would resemble a 9 and Dave asks Adam to write down his numbers 1-9.
Adam says his writing his unattractive, Dave asks why is it that almost every guy is a bad dancer and has bad hand writing, yet can throw a ball. While girls all have attractive hand writing and can mostly dance.
Adam thinks it’s pressure of writing implement that causes the writing to look like shit, Adam jokes about his kids and their differing takes on things like fashion.
Dave wants to wrap up the segment, Adam wants to know if he would rather be a hand writing expert or a body language expert, he jokes about the common refrains from these experts about body language.
Dave wraps things up.
They’re back form break with a new Definitely Not a Jew, 15 bottles of motor oil shoplifting attempt.
Adam welcomes Jake Weisman to the show, he asks him about his new show and the first four episodes being available on the Comedy Central app.
Adam gives some love to True Car, the sponsor for this half of the show.
Adam talks about being known for Loveline and The Man Show and transitions to Chris Morgan who writes all of the Fast and Furious movies and how he told him about a giant poster of ‘The Mole People’ hanging in the studio offices.
Adam jokes about Matt Jacuzzi, he says it’s not even enough to get a stadium named after you, a corporation will come along and pull your name off by forking over some cash.
Adam talks about the memorial streets and freeways and how nobody honors them, BB has an anecdote about his father.
Adam asks Jake about his journey that led to comedy, he explains he started in open mics in 2009.
Adam asks him what the scene was like at the time, Adam shares his experience from open mics in the 1980’s.
Jake says he worked in a chandelier store and Adam jokes about working a sconce store, Adam explains he’s purchased and installed somewhere around 90 sconces and he explains he’s bought many houses from the super loser adult kids of formerly successful now dead people.
Adam says he would find out that the kids picked the houses clean of their original sconces, Jake says this is the least relatable problem of all time, Adam wants to add it to his coffee table book of what black people think white people talk about.
Adam is now going over the bad Spanish restaurant chandeliers vs. the nice ones that are sold for around 15k, Jake shares how super high rich famous people would come into the shop and point at things and buy them.
Gina asks if he got commission and Adam chuckles about Jake believing he worked in a sconce store, Adam plugs his show ‘Corporate’ once again and they move on.
True Car – Put your key fob under your chin to extend its range, Jimmy misplaced his Saab at the Rose Bowl Edition
1st Story is on Donald Trump’s latest tweets in response to North Korea, Adam is fine with the tweets and he shares his take on violent madmen only responding to violence.
Adam asks Jake if he disagrees and he says he doesn’t and isn’t sure how he feels, he comments on the humor in Trump asking someone to inform Kim.
Adam agrees with Jake about the narcissism of people believing the world will end in their lifetime, Adam is joking about Jake going out Liberace style in the Chandelier shop.
Adam is now taking a happy spin on this one, he says 70% of shit in life is him doing things he doesn’t want to do, he says the world ending in a nuclear hellfire would be terrible post gym before you get home to receive a scheduled blowjob.
You want the end to come before you leave for the gym.
Jake thinks this poising match is funny and Adam brings up how we perceive Kim as roly-poly and he asks about how he must be perceived in a nation of starving people.
Jake shares his feelings about Kim and his upbringing and interests.
2nd Story is on the investigation in Lops Angeles that could lead to charges filed against Harvey Weinstein, Gina has all of the details and Adam has a killer “third base” joke.
3rd Story is on Citizen Rose, a new reality series starring Rose McGowan and Adam is asking about the title and if it’s related to the movie ‘Citizen Kane’ and Gina now quotes Rose.
Adam shares his reaction to most art, he wants to add a new adjunct New Year’s Resolution, he wants to be healed by art.
Jake asks what he needs to be healed from, Jake asks what is art and Adam is joking about the thoughts he had while touring a museum in Amsterdam, mostly about how fat chicks were back then.
4th Story is on Hoda taking over The Today Show, Adam comments on certain hosts taking over the world, the seat warmers of television like Ryan Seacrest, pretending to laugh, throwing to someone then coming back and pretending to laugh again etc.
BB calls Ryan the opiate of the masses and Jake says he’s there to anesthetize dumb people.
Adam asks what guys like Ryan think and Adam now says the new marching orders in the terms of TV is hiring a bunch of people that likely won’t be fired.
Adam misses when guys would smoke on TV, Jake shares his theory on how eventually humans will fuck up in any scenario.
Gina says Jake should go into teaching and Adam goes into a live read.
Zoom.us – Adam says he tested the product and he explains how superior it is to Skype Edition
5th Story Gina has a new Germany Or Florida
A man is in jail after trying to setup an electrical wire to the door knob to electrocute his ex, Adam jokes about trying to pull this move with Lynette but he messed up and connected it to the oven handle.
Adam jokes about connecting it to the Grub Hub app next time.
Everyone weighs in with their guesses.
6th Story Gina has a list of the top 10 most common New Year’s Resolutions, Adam and the gang makes guesses, hilarious “abuse the elderly:” from Adam.
Gina reads off the remaining entries and Adam jokes about RCS, Adam says he loves doctors on TV and the biggest chasm in fiction vs. reality and he cites the attractive doctors on tv vs. the vaguely middle eastern guy you meet in real life.
7th Story is on a plane that was diverted due to a bird being in the cabin, Adam is now riffing about turning around for minor events and he takes it back to the early settlers of the west turning around for the most minor of issues.
Adam says if you took it to a vote, the passengers would all agree to finish the flight.
Gina now shares the details of Chrissy Teigen and the flight she was on that was diverted that she live tweeted about.
Adam is now riffing as the bird that flew about 585mph trying to impress other birds, BB is playing the other bird to hilarious effect.
Adam is now asking for some basic airplane etiquette and rules that should be introduced for passengers to follow, as a courtesy for other passengers.
Adam says they should prohibit people trying to get off the plane in front of other passengers, Adam cites ATM lines and how people give each other room.
BB has an exception for customers making a tight connection and Adam further rants about people getting off the plane in the order of their seat assignments.
Adam cites the guy’s giant ass in his face and the bad on the seat in front of him, pummeling him.
8th Story is on 2017 being the safest year yet in commercial aviation history, Gina has the details and they move on.
9th Story is on the new laws coming to Texas, including open carry for blades and machetes. Gina has all of the details and BB has some funny reactions.
Adam is now doing his “douche-fuck, tell your fat cunt wife, smelly puss wife fuck, douche fuck” bit while making a point about concealed weapons inspiring civility.
BB asks about hand weapons and what the gang would rather have, Adam says he would a long sword or mace.
Adam is now telling them about the guy he fought with a flail/nunchaku weapon in the Sherman Oaks Galleria parking lot.
Adam says these two punks were menacing people and Adam explains it was himself, Chris, Snake and maybe Ray.
Adam is talking about the way to travel with nunchakus and he jokes about guys trying to keep one in each sock, hilarious!
Adam is now explaining how he wanted to use his bomber jacket to shield himself from the flail, Adam saw Snake fly past him before he could reach the guy.
Adam says the next thing they knew they were beating the shit out of the punk on the hood of a car, Jake asks about the 2nd guy and if he was ready to fight.
Adam says the 2nd guy like begged for his life and ran.
Adam says they went back to Snake’s condo and they were examining the weapon, Adam was marveling at Snake running past everyone to hit the guy.
Only to reveal the red chain marks that tattooed his torso and shoulder to the guys after saying he might have been hit.
Gina asks about Snake, Adam quickly updates her and Adam explains the place he was in life at the time, BB plays the clip of Jake saying “if we’re going to die, at least it’s stupid” as Gina wraps the news.
Geico – Standard Live Read Edition
Adam plugs the upcoming 2nd live Cobra track they’ll being doing in town and then teases the next movie after that.
Adam gives out the plugs and wraps up the show, BB plays Adam saying “Hey Bu-wheeze” like Pauley Shore before Dawson closes things out.