Giovanni’s Superfan Sidebar 01/03/2018 – 2018 State of the Union + New Year’s Resolutions
A real time blog where Superfan Giovanni does recap and commentary on the show as it happens and opines on all things ACS
Guest – 2018 State of the Union + New Year’s Resolutions
Recorded 01-02-2018 – Release Date 01-03-2018
Production Number #2230
Adam Opens the show with a “he’s already broken his relax and be more positive resolution” intro courtesy of Mike Dawson and Mike Lynch.
Adam thanks Life Lock and True Car right up top, BB has Chris Laxamana saying “You Suck” as today’s #TopDrop and BB he jokes about Adam’s Hawaiian vacation.
Adam reveals his new years resolution of “Dressing for Success” in 2017.
Adam shares a sad realization he had while asking the other adults and then the kids on the vacation what their resolutions were only to be met with 0 resolutions in reply, Adam thinks this is going the way of the dodo.
Adam explains how this might be tied into the participation trophy culture where everyone is accepted, Adam brings up smoking and makes a point about that habit dying out.
Adam is telling them about the sandwich shop they stopped at in the Maui airport, Lynette ordered a Rueben sandwich and he shares his “I probably shouldn’t be eating it” feeling and how someone else ordering it allows him to indulge too.
Adam shares how Lynette vailed to see it was a Hawaiian Reuben and Adam jokes about all of the things that are ruined by adding Hawaiian in front of them, BB jokes about a Hawaiian facelift sounding like a mafia execution.
Adam shares how weird the sandwich was, he rants about it didn’t resemble a Rueben and breaks down all of the alternatives used as ingredients in this abomination of a menu item.
Adam says he and Lynette will disagree often but then both agreed on this shit sandwich they were unable to enjoy.
Adam wants a sanctioning body for menu items, Gina agrees and brings up how it’s even disappointing on the off chance it turns out good, which Adam says it never does.
Adam says his wife should have stopped after the word Hawaiian, he explains the rub is you’re not getting a Rueben, regardless of how much you want one.
Adam asks if they have ever received a compliment for this sandwich and Adam jokes about a Jewish person getting their “plump lips” wrapped around one, Gina has an interesting laugh in reply.
Adam is telling them about the all-inclusive resort, which was really a sign everything to your room and get gouged resort.
Adam shares the awkward moment when a guy walked past them, a nice looking black man who Adam didn’t immediately recognize as Byron Allen, who revealed Howie Mandel was also present at the resort.
Gina brings up the episode of ‘Comics Unleashed’ with Adam guesting alongside Kevin Hart.
Adam is now sharing what a great guy Howie is, he explains how they had some food and how Howie told them about his 65-foot catamaran they would be taking to go scuba diving in a very remote location.
Adam tells Chris who is running the search computer to contact Natalia for some pictures, BB jokes about it being 2:20 PM on a school day.
Adam is telling them about the experience on the boat, he says it was fun for him but a little too choppy for Sonny.
Adam explains how ended up with a head count of 11 people, which was everyone but Cousin Sal, who would throw up in a snorkel and he shares how much his kids of America’s Got Talent.
BB remarks on the feeling of flying while laying on the netting of the catamaran, Adam shares how he watched his kids laying facedown as they sailed around the island.
Adam says he just forgot about part of the story, he says it sounded like he was bringing more people than Howie who was footing the bill which must have been 10k minimum.
Adam says Howie is the easiest and friendliest guy in the world, Adam shares how amazed he was that Howie will use rental snorkel gear, despite his handshake related OCD and fears about germs.
Gina is surprised and Adam brings up his shared popcorn tub hypocrisy that doesn’t seem to be affected by his OCD.
Adam shares how Howie had to use some moustache wax to seal his mask but refused to apply some from the open container of beard butter on the ship.
Adam explains how bizarrely intimate scooping beard butter from a communal container would be, Adam asks if the water comes in that fast, Dawson reveals it’s irritating but it doesn’t flood in.
Howie could have still participated.
LifeLock – Hammer some Amazon gift cards, avoid Identity Theft Edition
Adam is telling them about seeing the joy in his kids’ faces on the catamaran and the other side of it where you can see your kids not enjoy other activities.
Adam is citing how his kids sat on their devices during the luau and then left early, before the fire dancers came out.
Adam is citing the plots from shows of his childhood like ‘The Brady Bunch’ and he gets to how all of the wives eventually left the luau early too.
Adam says all of the dudes who paid stayed to watch the rest of the show, Gina asks about the pig and if the kids reacted to seeing it being trotted out.
Adam tried some poi, he says he will wrap up his story there and he asks Gina about her time off.
Gina says she stayed home and walked the beach, slept and did nothing, it was overall a great relief and necessary.
Adam brings up how intense and uncomfortable travel can be.
Gina shares how her doctor asked her about her memory issue which has resolved since her schedule has changed, Adam brings up the spanks conversation that came up during a breakfast discussion.
Adam says “we’ll just put some of your fat-ass in your neighbor’s pool” after he compares the effect of spank moving fat around to how leaf blowers move leaves around instead.
Adam brings up the song ‘I’ve Never Been to Me’ by Charlene, Gina loves the song and she sings along with it, Adam is riffing and drops some hilarious one liners.
Adam thinks they’ve played this before on air but I can’t recall it, BB thinks it has been played.
Gina sounds amazing singing along with it, Adam has BB pause it and he brings up the sessions musician who likely had a career of playing with legendary groups only to end up playing background music for this Charlene lady.
Adam is going super in depth on the guy and even his aesthetic, including his bald spot.
Adam has a great “please rhyme it with twat” one liner and BB’s “what!?” reaction to her line about seeing some things a woman isn’t supposed to see.
Gina echoes her lyrics over the super preachy talking part from the song, gold!
Adam goes back to Gina’s vacation and BB jokes about not being able to top that, he says his parents came down and visited before Christmas and then celebrated the holiday with his wife’s family.
BB tells them about the ranch Christie’s family has been going to for 38 years and they took Tessa for the first time, he experienced joy seeing Tessa explore the ranch, he compares it to unlocking a level in a video game.
Gina says Tessa is a purse thief with sticky fingers, BB is emphatic about the experience and then transitions to the blackened landscape on both sides of the freeway, he compliments the firefighters who saved the homes.
BB brings up the homemade signs thanking the first responders and Adam jokes about the signs being kindling for the next wildfire, thanks but no thanks.
Gina shares a picture of a dish BB titles “Jew Go Home” and Adam has Chris find the lyrics to the song ‘Midnight Train to Georgia’ and goes into a live read first to buy him some time.
True Car – New or Used, buy now, Chris got a car with 200 miles Edition
Adam is now taking it back to the song ‘Midnight Train to Georgia’ which Adam was listening to while lying in bed in his hotel room when he realized the song was about a loser.
Adam is riffing up a storm as Gladys Knight & the Pips are playing beneath him, hilarious!
Adam asks why this guy is so attractive, he sounds like a douchey actor type.
BB is now riffing with Adam and Gina has a killer laugh in reaction, Adam says not only is this song about a loser and he also predicted this must have been written by a white guy.
Adam found out it was and got into the back story of the guy who wrote the song, he shares the Lee Majors and Farrah Fawcett and how it all came to be.
Adam plugs the upcoming live Basic Cable Commentary where they are going to do another pass on ‘Cobra’ and teases another upcoming track, hinting they may do a live variant of ‘Red Dawn’ despite already doing it in studio.
Dave opens the show asking Adam about his New Years Resolution, Adam shares his resolution to demand more form his deodorant from 2017 and he goes into the deodorant commercial tropes he was mocking with that resolution.
Adam jokes about the subways where all of the hot chicks seem to travel in these commercials, Adam says he doesn’t spend much of his day doing presentations to attractive and interested people staring at his open arm pits.
Dave is now mocking the “why are there so many miles” car commercial and enjoying not having to see those, Adam shares his wiring and how he was always happiest on Friday at 2:57 PM.
As soon as 5:00 PM rolled around he was already dreading his return to school on Monday, Adam says his friends aren’t wired that way and they were wired for noon on Saturday or Saturday night.
Adam asks how they would poll the staff with that question to see who would be happiest before the school day even ended vs. those who were happiest after class was over or sometime over the weekend in closer proximity to Monday.
Dave says he thinks it’s possible both he and Adam miss out on life by never living in the moment, Adam brings up his dog Phil who spends much of his life laying down and shimmying to get comfier.
Adam thinks all great thinkers and genius are tortured and jokes about all of the movies about mathematicians from history, hilarious!
Adam says there is probably a perfect IQ score for happiness, Dave brings up Forrest Gump and Adam jokes about “dressing for success” in 2018.
Dave wraps the segment.
They’re back from break with a new listener voicemail from a guy who was running left turn arrows all over town while driving on NYE.
Adam is talking about the experience of being a passenger and not being bale to expect someone to run them, Gina asks about the rest of the crew dressing for success and Adam jokes about her always wearing sweatpants, saying he just thought she was pregnant all these years.
Adam is now talking about his realization at 12 that people could be manipulated by something as simple as sound, citing the songs that would cause humans to behave differently.
Adam brings up school uniforms and Gina brings up how night clubs will use tempo to adjust the mood and calms things down as they approach closing time.
BB says his dad would do that at parties, he would play Kenny Loggins live as he actually liked it but nobody else did.
Adam is bringing up how Jay Leno doesn’t; dress up and then goes into a riff about him being the worst possible representation of a time traveler from the future.
Adam is now riffing about the lack of denim in the future as depicted in movies and tv shows, Adam says he thinks dressing up makes a difference in your attitude and professionalism.
Adam brings up the experience of getting dressed for Seth Macfarlane’s party, he asks why suit pants have so many clasping mechanisms, he jokes about one looking so good they need the extra security to prevent sexual assault.
Adam shares how he came up with the resolution and he says he’s giving himself off days, for days he must work in the shop.
Adam asks Gina if she has a resolution and he says he would reckon that in 1990 71% of the country was aware of having a resolution and has an answer regarding it.
BB says he’s never made a resolution until this year, Adam asks if he will go first.
Gina jokes about his resolution being to elbow others out of giving their resolutions, hilarious!
BB shares his quest to organize his home, he shares the lengths he went to in order to get rid of the clutter.
Adam is now lamenting the saddest hammer that exists that always ends up in that drawer of junk that BB finally organized.
BB says he also has made a resolution to waste less time, to stop putting things off.
Adam jokes about BB making love to Christie the way she’s always wanted it, BB has a killer reply.
Gina shares her tweet about caring for ourselves first in 2018, BB lays in some of Charlene as Gina finishes reading her tweet.
Adam shares his thought, he likes the self-improvement element and taking care of yourself, he thinks the downside is that he hates the people who do this, they turn out to be colossal douches.
Adam says he will allow it this time, but people who make “Rescuing themselves their fulltime job” and he brings up someone taking out their rage on someone with 11 items in the 10 items or less lane, everyone who turns themselves into a project is miserable, turn yourself into more of a part time job.
BB has a great “is she still talking?” one liner and Adam hammers point about the narcissism in taking care of yourself too much and they move on.
Geico – Standard live read Edition
Q and Ace
1st Caller Adam, he’s a big fan and he shares his love for the cold showers, he says he needs to get colder water if he wants to hang with the Canadians.
Adam shares his resolution to take over his family run business, he tells them about how they make customized children’s items and souvenirs, he has various “retard” examples of what they could make.
Adam brings up people with personalized license plates, BB just threw on out and Adam talks about the name Jax, the most popular boy’s name for 2017.
BB is amazed that Jax was the most popular name of 2017, he can’t accept it and Adam shares how names get popular and cites the kids that are friends with his children and how they have a lot of the same names as they were born in the same year.
Adam is now asking caller Adam about the possible new products he might be coming up with if he takes over the family business.
Adam jokes about hula hoops, Gina asks if they didn’t get a Fredo vibe from caller Adam.
2nd Caller Tyler, he wants to write children’s book with Adam and get him back on the NYT bestseller list.
Tyler is now pitching some books for him, he starts with ‘The Worst Baseball Player Ever’ about a guy named Ray who always does the same thing over and over again.
Adam breaks down the premise of the book, citing his “centerfielder” theory on being ready to move in any direction.
Tyler pitches him on the next one ‘Be Nice to Jimmy Kimmel’ and he cites guys who don’t recognize opportunity, he brings up Ray and his advice to ask for money per bit instead of the long-term strategy of taking advantage of the opportunity.
The 3rd book is called ‘Wipe Your F’ing Feet’ and he breaks down the plot of the book, which involves a stone pelican.
Adam says he would love to be a sea captain, he brings up how they collect everyone’s shoes, eliminating the need to wipe your feet.
Adam jokes about being on a Japanese ship and needing to remove the skin off the bottom of his feet.
Adam shares his book idea for Kimo Skinny Calves and they move on.
3rd Caller Robert, he wants to start a podcast on Soccer, Adam tells him screw that it’s boring and hangs up on him.
4th Caller Josh, he wants to try eating NSNG for a year.
He says he’s been trying it on and off, he hasn’t been good at sticking to it, he says he weighs 200lbs and wants to get down to 170.
Adam says they will check back with him in 3 months, Adam says he can get off dessert and be ok with not having it, the pasta and the rice keep coming back and haunt him.
Adam feels bad for the soccer hang up, and he goes back to him.
5th Caller Robert, he’s back and Adam is asking him about his desire to start a podcast about the sport.
Adam says soccer is akin to where churros were 30 years ago in Los Angeles, it’s only going to get bigger and Gina asks about using soccer vs. football.
Adam says another thing to like about Canada, they’re not that in to soccer.
Adam says he’s sure it exists, he’s not implying it’s outlawed, he just thinks that even the United States might be more into soccer than Canada.
Legal Zoom – Adam says even Geragos will tell you, Chris Brown needs him but you don’t Edition
Gina has the data on soccer popularity in Canada, saying it’s the most popular in terms of population who play the sport.
Adam thinks it’s indoctrination.
BB now says he looked into it and babysitter.com has listed Jackson as the #1 name for 2017, he says the Social Security administration hasn’t released their data, so it’s not for sure yet.
Adam is now quizzing BB on his theory and Chris shares he had two friends name their sons Maverick, Gina shares her soccer team’s name ‘The Sugar Babies’ and BB is now sharing the top results and they go over Liam being short for William.
1st Story is on California opening recreational marijuana sales, Gina has all of the info.
BB asks how it works that states can sell it despite it being federally prohibited, Adam predicts more stupid laws will be created in response to marijuana being legalized.
Adam says he’s been screaming for a million years about how homeowners should be able to grow marijuana plants, Adam makes another point about altering substances and Gina has an interesting take on it.
Adam says this will be the next tax revenue that will bail out the state that can’t do anything right, Adam says Mike August has been calling for this the entire time Adam’s known him.
Gina brings up corporations selling marijuana, Adam says pot will take a turn like Green Day, eventually they’ll become the man and get too popular.
2nd Story is on Maria Menounos’ Wedding that was broadcast on live TV on New Years Eve, Gina has a clip of Kevin giving his vows which are him quoting the legendary Gary Dell’Abate video he sent to his ex as played on the Howard Stern show.
Adam says he was flicking around from station to station trying to find something good, he’s lamenting hotel TV and he jokes about the remotes being catch as catch can, a remote by name, mostly by name.
Adam says there should be a tv with big buttons on it for seniors, Adam is now sharing what he wants from a TV remote.
Adam wants Kenner or Hasbro to make a remote, Gina asks if Adam watched the ball drop at 6:00 PM due to the time difference, he reminds her he was out at the luau.
Adam is now bringing up how NFL players will wear their regular uniforms and avoid cold weather gear and how people who sign up to host NYE events like Steve Harvey should suck it up and just wear a tuxedo, don’t be a puss.
Gina has another clip from the vows, Adam jokes about his divorce rule for couples that propose in public spaces, he says in 2023 when the divorce comes they must gather in Times Square in New York City with Steve Harvey and televise the divorce proceedings.
Adam is now giving his take on why this is a fair proposal for people who engage in public proposals.
Geico – Standard Live Read Edition
Gina wraps the news
Adam gives a quick state of the union, he mentions the over 2200+ episodes they’ve done and he plugs the upcoming projects he has in the coming year.
LifeLock – Online payday loan in your name, wide range of identity threats Edition
Adam teases Corey Feldman coming on the podcast later in the week, BB closes the show with Adam saying “I’m a weirdo” and Dawson wraps things up.
Excellent start to a new year of podcasts!