Betsy Brown Braun returns to Ace Broadcasting in her first appearance since the reincarnation of the show as For Crying Out Loud. Lynette & Stefanie are very eager to talk discipline with Betsy and launch right into their questions. Lynette asks Betsy how she feels about Adam’s approach to parenting and Betsy puts a large emphasis on the importance of doing separate activities with each child and expresses some concern that Lynette is planning a joint birthday for Sonny & Natalia.
Later in the show the discussion turns to the difficulties involved with handling the different personalities of your children, especially with multiples, and how it can be especially difficult to handle the child that is the most like you. Lynette then discusses the kids’ foray into baseball and Adam’s propensity to give the kids the hard truth regardless. Betsy’s take on the issue is that Adam needs to try harder to get into Sonny’s world and spend time with him doing the things Sonny likes to do.
Podcast: Download (Duration: 1:09:59 — 32.1MB)
Links
Visit Betsy’s website at betsybrownbraun.com
Buy Betsy’s books on Amazon
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Producer: Gary Smith
This was 1 of the best shows that I have heared so far on TPE…. I am a married 30 YO male with no kids, and feel SO congruent with BBB. Spanking a child is OK in a “life or death” situation, but otherwise IGNORE them…… they “belong to you” you don’t “belong to them”. Let your child have a “shit fit” a few times (not everyday in public) and let them know that you will address it when they calm down.
A friend of mine has a 5 YO daughter that did what Natalia did…. he wanted to spank her, but I instead said to him ” tell her you will leave the room until she calms down, then come back and TALK TO HER.” After 2 or 3 times, she started to get the hint….. it would not be tolerated, and she stopped 90% of it. Better to not acknowledge it 2 or 3 times and show them that you will not put up with it, than to live with it for years and years.
I always did the “walk away” thing when my son was 1 1/2 and entering the tantrum phase. I’d leave him in whatever room he was in, and shut the baby gate behind me. He got over that stage FAST and NEVER entered any kind of “meltdown” stage when he was older. It even works now that he’s older and I apply a very modified version of it. He’ll be whining about something and I’ll sigh and just walk out of the room (no need for babygates anymore, ha!) Kids learn fast that if they don’t have an audience, it’s no use to create a scene.
Loved this one! You have got to bring her in once a month for a segment!! This was awesome. I listened 2times already and made my husband listen too. Bring her back!!
Your worst show ever. Betsy brown is a nut everything she was saying was worng. She is a danger to the people that listen. Please have some respect for your listeners.
Huh? I think everything she said was super-smart! What exactly did you find problematic?
are you kidding? are you a parent? I loved it.
My kids are teenagers, but, I don’t recall being as clueless as L & S when they were little.
Every time BBB is on, the show turns into a whiny bitchfest.
Poor Sonny. He’ll quit sports before High School – which is when he’ll really need it. Let the kid have fun! You can’t tell how athletic he’s going to be until he’s older. Or, maybe baseball just isn’t his sport.
As an adult, I now *wish* my mom had pushed me in anything. I tried ballet, gymnastics, piano, etc…every time things got slightly hard or scary for this super shy kid and I was done. I am not saying I would have been great at them all but I think some children need a push in stuff to really excel and find their niche.
I agree. I wish my parents had forced me to stick with sports too. The minute I got bored, or something was too hard, they let me quit. That carries on into adulthood, and it’s a hard habit to break.
I have 8 year old twin boys. One son has loved sports since I enrolled them both in soccer when they were 3 years old. The other hated playing and would stand in the middle of the field looking for ladybugs. It was so frustrating for me, and my first inclination was to stop signing him up for sports, as much to save my sanity as to make him happy, b/c just putting his soccer socks and cleats on was a battle. But I think playing a sport is important for kids…and I usually try to do the opposite of what my parents would do in a parenting situation. So we kept with it, I pushed through the fits he’d throw before a game, we tried a few different sports, and now, at 8 years old, they both play baseball and flag football (thankfully, no more soccer!) and he loves sports as much as his brother does. He’s not quite as good as his brother, but he’s improving and he’s learned to work hard and not give up. And, equally important, he’s proud of himself for his success, which makes him want to continue improving. The night he EARNED the game baseball (kids had to actually earn it on their team, which was nice) I thought his head was going to explode with excitement. To see him that happy made those early years of sports misery worth it to me. We don’t blow smoke up his butt and tell him he’s the next Barry Bonds – I agree with Adam about that. But we tell him he MIGHT be that good if he works hard and practices.
Stick with the sports. 5/6 years old is still really young for some kids with sports. Obviously if they still hate it when they’re 10, maybe they’re just not into sports. But give it a few years, don’t let them quit, and see how it goes.
Whether or not you push your kids into soccer at age 3, they’ll figure out if sports are for them…or not…when they’re older. Let ‘em have some unstructured play when they’re really young!
If they’re not exposed to sports, they will not figure it out. You can’t fully know what something is like until you experience it. Playing an occasional game of soccer on the playground isn’t the same as belonging to a team, working together, and learning rules, structure and perseverance.
As well, just b/c kids play sports doesn’t mean they’re not getting unstructured play time. Why would anyone even think that? During the younger years, (3, 4 yrs old) organized (and I use that term loosely) sports consist of an hour practice during the week and an hour game on Saturday. That leaves PLENTY of time for unstructured play. Even playing baseball at age 8, my kids have an hour of practice and 2 games a week. Again, still PLENTY of time left for unstructured play.
Yes, kids need unstructured time, but they also need structure and rules…moderation and balance are important. Letting kids hang out at home all day, every day, throwing blocks at each other, watching Dora, and playing video games is mind numbing and, frankly, seems like a great way to create a Jeff Spicoli in 15 years.
I absolutely love lokiong at the pictures you guys post on your site! I’ve got you in my feed reader so I don’t miss anything.I have loved going through your Photography Tips section, and would love to get more of that in the future!(I just switched to using the * to focus, and it’s definitely a challenge to get used to, but I think I like it.)
Great show!!! I love BBB!!!
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BEST episode yet! Love this woman and I love hearing the two of you share your tales because I sometimes feel like I am the only mom in the world with a child who acts the way she does in the middle of Target or when leaving daycare! I am heading to Amazon for her books right now!
I do love BBB but I don’t get the whole “we’re going to leave the room” thing. Isn’t this going to train this child to grow into an adult who feels he or she can just have a gigantic meltdown anywhere and if no one likes it they can just leave the room? I take the opposite approach because it’s appropriate when we are upset to leave the situation, have our time to vent and be upset and process, and then come back to act like a rational human being again. I tell my child “if you’re going to scream and yell I’m done talking to you until you are finished and you’re going to have to have your fit in your room.” If I left the room everytime my kid was in “fit” mode she would just chase me around the house having her fit. I can imagine a whole family moving from room to room to get away from this screaming child! Sorry, just doesn’t make any sense to me.
I have the same problem. If we all left the table during a dinner meltdown, my son would just follow us screaming to the next room. So I sent him to his room. If his tantrum got too out of control and he became destructive (throwing toys, breaking things), I would punish him later. I ‘d wait until he calmed down and I’d say, you know, you have to get this under control before you can have any more sleepovers at your granny’s house (his favorite thing to do). It took a few months, but he eventually realized that if he got that out of control, he wasn’t going to have sleepovers. I also talked with him about what it was OK to do, like scream into your pillow or hit the bed. Sometimes they just need to physically vent but there are safe ways and unsafe ways to do this. In my case, simply walking away did not work.
Love BBB. Maybe your best show ever–don’t pay attention to the haters.
BBB is so calm and sensible, you need her to come at least once a month.
Bravo.
Agree – well said.
Can’t complain about a professional who is articulate.
Good booking job.
Please have her back regularly.
take careful.
You are the Humphreys. You raise the bar. Over and over. and over. again.love that closing ceernomy shot guys! and the light, let’s not get started on the light. It looks like you’ve been up to some fun stuff lately! miss you both, here in the dry slopes of Colorado ski country.
Lynette, I wouldn’t worry too much about Adam if I were you. From what I hear on his podcast, he adores those kids. He expreses that love all the time. I *wish* my husband ever said he loved our kids like that, just once. I agree with you that he is way too hard on your little boy regarding sports but you can counterbalance that with your own encouragement and support. Just keep reminding him that you love him exactly the way he is, and if he doesn’t like sports, so be it. I have a 11 yr old who plays with barbies…imagine how Adam would freak out about that! haha But that’s how my son is…I didn’t buy him barbies — he asked for them himself. His best friends are all girls. That’s just who he is. The world is judgemental enough…home should be your sanctuary where you are loved exactly as you are. Otherwise you will never learn to love yourself and others.
As a single girl in her late twenties, I gave my Saturday evening/night to my friend and her three year old daughter. I’ve increasingly seen a lack of disclipline and allowing the child to act out. I am in no way going to be able to tell my best friend that her child is acting out and frankly, due to a LACK OF PARENTING. The child is like a free-range cat– just allowed to really do what it pleases. I forsee myself and other of our friends avoiding this parent/friend because of her child. She’s allowed to eat off our plate, drink our drink, interrupt and I will look at the child and say “I’m talking” but it only pisses off my friend. I’ve about given up and only see this getting worse as well. She has a one year old girl as well.
Parents/mom/possible show topic: How do I AVOID “parenting” my friends child to stop hitting me/acting out/ voiding my personal space bubble. This isnt my child nor a blood relative- but a friend. Anything I say/do offends my friend and I feel this is a lose/lose situation. Do I just start avoiding my friends and set limits on when I see my friend, say after the kids go to bed at 8pm? I’ve known this friend for 15 years but the parenting is definatly lacking because of the parents lack of their parents parenting/caring. I’ve “done raised nuff’ babies” to know the parents are lackluster and just bide time. I feel the parents ideas and their children are like chickens– all free range.
Please help! I’ve love this to be addressed as a shop topic. As a single gal, no children (but babysat and practically raised a few children now in their early teens)- I’m coming across this issue more and I’m going to run out of friends because their child pushes the parents friends away.
Love ya ladies!! Keep um’ coming!
~Heather
I can totally understand how you feel. But having a 1 and 3 yr old of your own is a lot different than babysitting and “practically raising” other people’s kids. I used to backseat parent all the time before I had two demons of my own (just kidding…they are only sometimes demons). It took me a while to get the hang of how to discipline them. And I’m still not perfect.
You can’t change how your friend parents, but you can set limits on what you’ll tolerate (ex – don’t let the kid eat off YOUR plate or plan an outing at night that requires her to get a babysitter). Maybe your friend is really stressed and worried right now and really doesn’t know how to cope with her kid. Maybe she needs a friend to talk to about it?
GREAT idea for a topic!
A coworker and I were just talking about this today, how we don’t feel comfortable addressing/confronting behavioral issues with children of people we know…but that we were holding resentments against parents that are indulgent of or afraid of their children.
The only advice I can give you is to be firm and gentle with the child, speak to the child how the parent SHOULD be speaking to them. If the kid attempts to eat off your plate, say, “Oh, are you hungry? Do you want some watermelon? Let me help you get some for your plate” or something along those lines. Scolding the kid or shaming the mom (SO tempting though) will blow up in your face and you’ll lose the friend.
That’s the problem:we start to get mad at the kids. It’s not their fault, who WOULDN’T take whatever they want if they can get away with it? It’s the parent’s fault because this is how you teach kids. You talk (endlessly it feels like), you explain, you repeat. Until insane. But it’s your job. Since your friend isn’t doing it, you have to. When it comes to YOU–your boundaries, your things, your body.
This show was SOOOO helpful. I used some of the tips this week. I have a 5 yr old girl, 2 yr old girl and a 17 week old baby boy.
I used BBB’s tips this week and it worked!!! My five year old started whining and just wouldn’t listen so I told her I wasn’t going to talk about it with her while she was acting that way and we’d talk later. I was amazed how effective that was. Thanks so much. I try to argue and reason with her until I get my point across and it DOESN’T work.
I am really enjoying the podcasts about how to handle children, discipline options and being firm. It’s hard for me sometimes. But I am noticing they do respect me more when I am firm.
Thanks Jessie
Great show, BBB was giving advice that I really needed. I have one of the quiet, studious/artistic types who will play alone (She is the oldest) and then . . . the little one who pushes ALL my buttons and sasses/throws tantrums, etc.
I loved the advice BBB gave, and it made me really stop and think that I have to parent him differently than I did my daughter – DUH. They are two different people. But he still needs the patience and time that I was able to give her when she was his age. Sometimes it’s hard to see something so obvious when you are “in the trenches” as Lynette said once.
Thanks, ladies – and – really – ignore the haters. Great show
Christie
P.S. I ordered my BBB book today! Can’t wait to read it!
Love this episode! I loved all the advice and will be making a mental note to
buy her books thru your link and to use her tips she gave in the podcast w/ my toddler! I wish my mom listen to something like this show when I was little- I’m a twin and can relate to a lot of the stories. If I can give any piece of advice to a parents who have twins-Pleaseeee do this it’s very important that parent of twins or parents of multiples should do activities with each child alone- Like have going for a walk w/ one child and next night with the other- Or one goes with Dad and the other with mom- My parents kind of did this but not as much as I would have liked.
So that just my 2 cents…. Love the show!!!!
PS- Thxs for posting the link for your theme music- love that song (by: Dilettantes)
Kelly Ann
http://kellyannstudio.blogspot.com/