The show opens with a catch-up session between Lynette and Stefanie. Lynette talks about how much she’s been enjoying the kids’ baseball games, and Stef discusses why she loves being a soccer mom. Lynette also talks about an uncomfortable situation at the park, and gives a rebuttal to Adam’s rants about the bedroom space heater.
Dr. Carole Lieberman comes in next, and talks about some of the books she’s written. One of them deals with helping people cope with the memory of 9/11 and living in a place under constant threat of terrorism. The girls also talk about how divorce affects kids, and Dr. Carole uses fairy tale archetypes to illustrate why some girls go after bad guys.
In the last part of the show, the group talks about how their daughters are starting to test their boundaries. Stefanie also looks back on her life experience and wonders if she really was a bad girl growing up. The girls chat about bullying, Chuck E. Cheese obsession, and Kate Middleton. As the show wraps up, the girls discuss some different tactics to attract the man you want.
Podcast: Download (Duration: 1:12:47 — 33.4MB)
Links
Follow Dr. Carole on Twitter @DrCaroleMD
Visit Dr. Carole’s website at DrCarole.com
Check out BadGirlsBook.com, and get a complimentary test to see if you’re a bad girl or a sitting duck.
Get Dr. Carole’s books on Amazon
Follow Lynette on Twitter @LynetteCarolla and Stefanie @SWilderTaylor
And follow the show @ACEMoms or find us on Facebook at facebook.com/acemoms
Listen to our theme song and more music from The Dilettantes online nimbitmusic.com/dilettantes
Gallery
Show Credits
Producer/Audio Engineer: Gary Smith
Web Engineering: Mike Cioffi
Show Summary: Matt Fondiler
PLEASE stop talking when you don’t know what you’re talking about! Stephanie, outside of your bubble, there are latchkey kids. A lot of them. And it is not necessarily against the law. It depends on your local laws. It’s sad, but poverty is part of life in most of our country, and that means kids at hone alone while parents try to pay the bills.
The best podcast I’ve heard was with David Wild…when Stephanie was AWOL.
I think what she meant is that it’s not accepted as much in your typical, middle-class household these days. Nowadays, that group IS headed up by soccer moms in mini-vans who helicopter parent every moment of their kids’ day. I grew up in the 70s as well and your average kid WAS left to his own devices and often got into trouble. These days, kids don’t get that chance where they are alone enough to think up trouble! ha ha. But yes, among the lower classes, lots of kids coming home to empty apartments or having no one around much to monitor their behavior. This is where the problem kids who join gangs or get into drugs come from. I’m sure Stefanie realizes this, but in their upper class neighborhood they just don’t see any of it.
Why does everything have to be all or nothing? Either kids are latchkey or hovered over by upperclass people in a bubble? And seriously Amy, I’m not going to stop talking since I am the co-host of the podcast. I’m not out of touch. I grew up extremely poor and I am decidedly middle class now. But, even if I was poor, I would not leave my children unattended at the tender age of seven to come home, let themselves in, cook themselves dinner etc. the way I was. Sorry if you think that only rich people do that. There is such a thing as after school care. You really showed your ignorance with that comment.
I think the problem came in that you insisted it “doesn’t happen” as opposed to it “shouldn’t happen”. No one thinks seven year olds should be home alone, but it happens. I do see you being in a bit of an isolated bubble when referring to “being on the blogs” etc. The people who do these things and have to make these choices are not on Mommy Blogs and at playgroup, etc.
For what it’s worth I turned this podcast off half way through and then spent the next 20 minutes trying to lower my blood pressure. I don’t know where to start. How about we start with the man-hating doctor you had as a guest. I started rolling my eyes the moment she suggested that child predators may be on the rise because women in society have more power and that emasculates them, causing them to turn to children. Never mind that it could be we are just more aware of this and that it’s NOT ok and that we need to teach our children such. But from there the podcast just continued to tank. Stefanie how dare you insinuate that ALL divorced homes lead to kids who “just survive!” What a completely ignorant statement to make. You have no ability to make such a generalization about ALL divorced homes because you had a poor childhood. I came from a divorced home, and dare I say bitterly so, and yet I was never a bad girl. I never had a drug problem, an alcohol problem, a truancy problem. I never snuck out. I didn’t have sex with multiple people OR until I was an adult, nor was I performing sex acts on boys behind the school either. And this is not because I came from a two parent home. It’s because I came from a home with at least ONE PARENT who worked her ass off to make sure I was a good kid; to make sure I understood there was zero tolerance for bullshit, really. It’s about being involved. Kids are resilient and yes it is not ideal to have a one parent home – no one goes out and hopes for this. However what is the worth of staying in a marriage where there is fighting, or discord, or just a general lack of love anymore? Is that a better picture to paint for your child? Hardly.
Get over yourself Stefanie. Your experience does NOT equal all situations! Lynette – love you – your kids are going to be fine in all circumstances!
But you do admit “bitterly so”. I don’t think Stefanie was trying to say ALL these kids are turning out “bad”…defninitely they often turn out very good! But divorce still hurts these kids very deeply.
But anyway, I too was totally taken aback by the “powerful women” comment. REALLY? THAT’S what causes pedophiles? I think it’s the opposite. Pedophiles usually marry the meek women who don’t ask questions or stick up for their offspring so it’s easier for these men to do what they want to do!
As a child I was not aware it was so bitter. It was only after I grew up. And not to continue arguing about this but Lynette did try to point out it DOES work for some families and Stefanie just kept insisting those people and children are just in denial.
You sound very defensive. I do think that children of divorce suffer more than others. Maybe I’m generalizing but there are a lot of studies out that back me up. I’m sure that plenty of kids do fine but to just assume that your kids are fine when you split up is ignorant. Put the kids first and MAKE SURE they are fine and you will go a long way to ensuring that they don’t need a ton of therapy in the future.
That stuff about men turning to predators ’cause ladies are at work (okay, okay, she didn’t QUITE say that, but that’s what she meant) was insane. But then I don’t take all too seriously a grown woman who says “bad girls” over and over and tells two intelligent women over 35 what kind of bad girl they are.
Regarding divorce:
Divorce is sad. It should be sad, a family is dissolving. People DO have to get divorced and it has to be okay for everyone, it’s a reality. But it is sad. I think we need to be careful rushing to say children are fine with it. I know where that defensiveness comes from, trust me. But we do the kids a disservice if we don’t acknowledge that it might be painful for them (in ways we haven’t even thought of, remember these aren’t rational adult minds). The best we can do is listen and observe and keep our own self-protective instinct out of it.
I have to tell you, I always agreed with you, that it’s better to live in a one-parent home then a home where the parents are contently fighting. I’m about the same age as my nieces, and their parents (my sister and her husband) used to fight a lot while I was over, and apparently all the time. So when I heard they were getting a divorce, I was relieved. I thought the kids would have a similar feeling that there wouldn’t be so much discord in thier home. But it actually tore those kids apart emotionally. Things have never really been the same in thier hearts since. I don’t think they say so, but I remember how things were at the time and how things were before, and their case has absolutely changed my mind about how divorce affects children.
I’m not saying that kids of divorce are doomed, and Stefenie did bring it on way too strong, but I do believe that divorce is painful to children, even thought they can and usually will cope with it.
How do you seriously write a book connecting 9/11 to an obesity epidemic? This whacked out “doctor” is trying to cash in on a horrible tragedy that gets peoples attention. And no, men do not suddenly turn into pedophiles because they feel intimidated by powerful women. GET REEEEEAL!
Couldn’t have said it better myself! As soon as they brought this guest on, I was hoping for it all to end soon. Alas, this doctor’s level of idiocy continued to soar to the final words of her interview. Yikes.
So the reason people over eat is because of 9/11? That’s a huge and bizarre leap, I’m glad Lynette and Stephanie redirected her nonsense.
“Good day for blue skies and brown eyes”. “Good day for letting go”. Hidden anal prolapse message? Thanks for another great show ladies!!
Haha.
this Dr was a BLOW HARD! She seemed very put off by Stephanie trying to bring a little humor to the conversation… Please bring back Dr Betsy Brown Braun!!!! She was incredible!!!
)
I second that motion! Betsy is great!
Great show. I had to laugh at the part when you were talking about no latch key kids today. There is no law in the State of California stating you can’t leave kids home alone. And if you lived in the low rent part of Orange County you would see tons. I think it’s general practice around here to leave kids over 10 home alone. Middle schools have no after school programs. So you kinda do live in a bubble.
Sorry, ladies, but I’m finally going to unsubscribe. When I saw this guest’s name, I looked her up on the internet and started listening to one of her radio broadcasts from last week. She was discussing “Obamacare” with a guest who insinuated that rationed health care in Great Britain is why Liam Neeson’s wife died. And this was just one bizarre thing the guest said. I am not going to bother listening to this podcast, especially after reading the comments.
I don’t know what happened with Producer Kathy and the demise of the Parent Experiment. That show had its flaws, but at least it tried to have interesting guests and discuss things that mattered. It is sometimes funny to hear Lynette and Stephanie talk about their personal lives, but not for an entire hour. Good luck with your show but I won’t be listening anymore.
Seriously? Men turn into paedophiles because they feel emasculated by adult women?
No, people are paedophiles because they have a severe mental illness that most of us can’t even begin to fathom.
fuddle
I assure you that if I should feel emasculated, my reaction wouldn’t be “ooh, I gots to diddle me some prepubescent child”
Where did this quack get her PhD, and what was it in?
Lol, she didn’t even say “emasculated”, she said “encastrated” which is not an actual word.
Stephanie, not everyone lives like you and it’s not illegal to be a latch key kid. I think the doctor was right, you are living in your own bubble. I didn’t enjoy listening to this show with Stephanie. I always enjoy listening to Lynette. I think you’re a good mom and I especially can relate to how you’re trying to deal with the mean girl friend. I have a daughter who is going through this, too. I was raised as a latch key kid, while it wasn’t the ideal, it was a necessity. My mother had to go to work and she was a very good parent. I had to learn to be independent on some things but that made me who I am today. I don’t like the judgmental attitude that Stephanie had about this. There are many kids who grow up with helicopter parents who don’t turn out so well, either. You do the best you can as a parent, there are so many different schools of thought on parenting, it can be a little overwhelming sometimes. We should be lifting each other up instead of getting up on our high horses.
Rachel, I don’t think it’s getting on a “high horse” to suggest that leaving young children alone in the house to fend for themselves is wrong. As you can see here, in some states it’s not just wrong but it is in fact, illegal. http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm
So if my wanting people to obey the law is judgmental then I won’t apologize for it. If you don’t think that growing up as a latchkey kid was ideal then why put that on your child? You do know that all schools have low cost after care options don’t you?
i was a latch key kid and, while i didn’t think it at the time, I realize now it was really detrimental to my success at school and in general. I agree with Stefanie completely that it is not an ideal situation for children to be in.
Steph, I think you’re confused about what people are trying to tell you guys about this podcast. You sounded like you were saying that there are not many latchkey kids, and that most people are very judgmental about parents with latchkey kids. Which people are telling you is not true.
However, I think nearly everyone is agreeing that it IS bad for a child to be a latchkey kid, and that its very sad that there are so many.
Hey girls, check out Gavin De Becker’s book Protecting the Gift. It has great information about how to spot potential abusers and how to teach your kids to be assertive, abusers run from assertive people.
I read it when my son was 2.5 yo and have re-read it at least three times since.
Stephanie- why have guests if you’re just going to interrupt them and turn it into reality TV or something about you instead? Although this particular guest may have deserved it, being an opportunistic wack job who connected women working with child predation and 9-11 with obesity. Seriously, her first thought when she saw the towers fall was to find a psychiatric angle so she could make money on the tragedy?
You’ve had better shows.
I feel like I do try to not interrupt normally but I was having a lot of trouble just letting this guest go on and on. I’m totally open to feedback though so if you feel I do this in every show, let me know. I really felt like I was in the Twilight Zone half of this show though and couldn’t seem to get it back on track.
Lol! Personally, I’m glad you kept chiming in this time, your comments were all better than the guests. I think you guys really saved this show as much as it could be saved.
Ps: Sorry for all the late comments! I’m going through the archive. Thanks for the great show.
I just want to say this to Stephanie regarding your comments about divorce.
Yes, divorce does effect kids. I still feel guilty about my son’s Dad and I splitting up and its been 6 yrs. But, a therapist told me something I think you should think about. When you are in a bad relationship and your kids grow up seeing that, they are trained to think that is how a relationship should be. So staying in a bad relationship can effect your kids too! I would prefer my son see me happy then sad. When people stay together for the kids they may think they are doing them a favor but they aren’t.
I absolutely agree with you Lor. I don’t think people should stay together who are in a bad relationship. But I do think people are very quick to call it quits these days and then brush off any possible fall out with the kids with the whole “they’re doing FABULOUS” “they are FINE.” But obviously you thought long and hard about your decision or you wouldn’t be having pangs of guilt still. that shows that you put your kids first. Bravo.
Dr Carole’s ‘secrets’ to attract and keep men were not new and original… Look your best, Be self confident, be interesting..
Thank you Stefanie for trying to reel her in at the end.. she would have gone on FOREVER.
Dr. Carole had me singing Quarterflash every time she mentioned that bad girls -Harden their heart- I seriously thought “Harden My Heart” was going to be the song Gary played at the end of the show.
I love For Crying out Loud, I always think it’s interesting pod. Please keep doing what you are doing Lynette, Stefanie and Gary. I have no complaints….. I mean hey, it’s a free show.
I agree, Whitney – this guest was not a good choice, and every time she made that “growling” sound at the end of her laugh I almost stopped listening.
Gary, you should have totally played the Quarterflash song.
The episode was interesting, but there were a few things that I was really turned off by. I Didn’t like the whole “it’s not okay to have latchkey kids anymore” insinuation by Stephanie…..I actually felt guilty by the end of that section because my kids are going to have two parents that will both be working full-time jobs…there is no way one of us will be able to stay home with the kids….and I really think thats the case with most people. It would be GREAT if everyone could afford to have one parent stay home with the kids, especially before the kids are in school, but that is just not realistic for most middle class folks, especially in this economy.
I also didn’t like the suggestion that men are becoming child predators because they feel threatened by more successful women…I thought that was complete bullcrap. I really don’t think there are “more” predators these days, I just think that people and law enforcement are more aware of them.
Still love the podcast (esp. Lynette!)! Keep it up ladies!
Hey Lindsey,
I think people are confused by what I meant by latchkey kids. I’m not saying that a parent needs to be home. I’m saying that young children should not be left ALONE after school in their house. A latchkey kid refers to a kid who walks home from school with their housekey around their neck to let themselves in their home and then cook themselves dinner. I had to do that. It was acceptable in the 70′s but it’s not okay now. There are afterschool programs! Use them.
Why won’t anybody bring up the point, if you can’t afford child care, don’t have kids? I really don’t understand, seems so straight forward. Adam brings up this point all the time.
Sometimes people CAN afford child care when they have children. But guess what, life happens and situations change. People don’t plan to lose their jobs, their spouses, their savings in order to survive but sadly this happens.
EVERYBODY PANIC!!!! 9/11!!! Be AFRAID! BUY MY BOOK!!!!
Seriously, fuck this shit. I turned it off.
Thanks to all commenters for suggesting to pass this ep.
This woman was a QUACK!
I love your podcast.
I have loved every one you have ever done, and just had to write in that this woman was crazy.
Amy LouAWWWW Thanks Ya’ll. And yes we have been friends our whole lives. That’s a long time cause we are OLD!!!! It’s Steph’s turn next to turn 37. She is last in line haha. Have a great day I love ya’ll!!!
I have to say I did not enjoy the show this week. Please do not have this guest on again. Lynette and Stefanie were great as always, but Dr. Lieberman grated on my nerves and was not a right fit for the show.
Just started listening. I want to hear Lynette do Deaf Frat Guy’s entire act. Also, I scrolled past what seemed like several angry comments. This is going to be good.
This episode was a tough one to listen to. The guest was okay, I guess, but Stefanie’s constant interruptions and out-of-touch perspective are starting to wear on me. “Latch-key kids are not acceptable today”. Wow. Luckily for many of us, we don’t live in L.A.! I won’t even begin to comment on her diatribe about how children “survive” divorce – they actually do, and do so quite well, if at least one of the parents steps up. Her experience is not the be-all, end-all.
Lynette is great and has wonderful parenting advice (my kids are older than hers and I find myself using some of her techniques). She also seems to realize that there are different perspectives and experiences with regards to parenting and lets the guests SPEAK.
Sorry guys, you are wrong on this one. I usually go with you but there are a lot of latchekey kids and it’s not even weird or suprising to a lot of people
I really like what you guys tend to be up too.
This kind of clever work and exposure! Keep up the very good works guys I’ve included you guys to my personal blogroll.